There he stood, bent forward at the waist, eyes closed, his lips protruding in an exaggerated pucker. Caught off guard, I giggled at the unexpected sight of my husband, wondering exactly how long he’d waited there in the entryway for me.
Crossing over the threshold, I dropped my purse, a random assortment of belongings and all my cares in the world.
“It’s a good thing it was me at the door,” I laughed, as he pulled me into a healing embrace. The day had been long, difficult and emotional. His compassion was just the remedy I needed.
Our rendezvous lasted approximately 1.5 minutes before the other natives noticed my arrival. “What’s for dinner?” “Sissy’s being mean to me!” “Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom! Check out what I did at school today!”
Fortified by my life-giving companion, I plunged back into the chaos, renewed and ready to conquer the world.
Where is the love?
Look how young and delirious we are!
Recently, I attended the wedding of two friends, choking back tears as they recited their vows before God, family and friends.
In some ways, it doesn’t seem like that long ago when my husband, Robert, and I were staring all googly eyed at one another. We were the ones deliriously vowing to “love, honor and cherish” each other, through the good times and the bad.
Yet here we are, 15 years later—him with a little less hair, and me with a few more pounds. And somewhere along the way, we’ve accumulated two children, a dog, a minivan, a car, and hundreds of photos in scrapbooks and picture frames in our modest two-story home with a fenced yard. We’ve also collected a few physical and emotional scars from the battles we’ve faced together over the years.
Where does the time go? Where does the love go?
At this point in our marriage, I find it a little hard to identify with those two young kids who once stood before an altar at a small church in Omaha. We had no clue what we were getting into, and we certainly didn’t realize the implications of “for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.”
We couldn’t foresee the steady onslaught of stress and worry in the form of mortgage payments, broken down vehicles, unemployment, C-sections, sick children, sleepless nights, packed schedules, full-blown tantrums, leaky faucets.
In the thick of it, we might easily mourn the loss of what we had all those years ago. Some of my friends certainly have. Disillusioned, disappointed and disengaged, too many of them have called it quits, deciding they are better off divorced.
But I hope you understand this. The tears spilling down my cheeks on my friends’ wedding day weren’t ones of sadness. No, I was moved by the understanding that they are committing to something so much more beautiful and sacred than they can possibly comprehend right now.
As they held hands and repeated after the pastor, a virtual slideshow started running through my head. My mind wandered back to our own beautiful and sacred moments.
I'm not sure how Robert initially drew the short straw on Halloween duty, but I'm grateful for his annual commitment to take them trick-or-treating, through rain, sleet or snow.
My husband holding our son and daughter for the very first time.
And when he doted on me after surgeries.
And playing late night board games while blaring records.
And laughing together during impossible situations.
And lying beside one another in bed, talking until the wee hours of the morning.
And his teasing me mercilessly for my propensity to butcher song lyrics.
And tender moments of physical intimacy.
And his mowing the lawn and cleaning out the dog kennel.
And sharing our dreams and deepest concerns.
And crying on his shoulder when I don’t know what to do.
And his bundling our kiddos in mittens and rain ponchos to take them out trick-or-treating.
And holding hands as we walk into church.
When I think back to where we were 15 years ago, I don’t think about what we’ve lost. I think of our sacred partnership that has continued to evolve ever since then. I marvel at how our love has transformed over countless everyday moments that have nourished my heart and soul.
A gift from God
They say — actually, I’ve said — marriage is hard work. No doubt, there’s significant truth in that. But what we don’t say nearly often enough is how truly beautiful matrimony can be.
No one makes me laugh the way Robert does. He's hysterical -- but don't tell him I said that.
God designed marriage in an unparalleled act of love and compassion for us, the objects of His affection. As songwriter David Barnes describes, it is “a divine conspiracy” to help us through “the ups and downs” and the “days of doubt.” A sacred bond that points us toward our Creator as we learn to experience and exhibit truly unconditional love.
Marriage is a blessed gift that only grows lovelier over time.
These days of messiness are long, and they are hard. But they are precious, too.
And I can’t think of a better way to navigate the chaos than in this magnificent, God-ordained partnership with the man I love.
This article was originally written for Marriage Inc. Magazine, and is reprinted with their permission.