Don’t let this cup fool you! (Though its contents help keep the illusion alive.)
Here’s something I’ve learned about myself in the last several years – both through personal and professional experiences.
I thrive in chaos and crisis.
Seriously. If something crazy’s going down, if everything’s falling apart, I have a weird knack for staying cool, calm and collected. I may cry at the drop of a hat to a worship song or sappy movie, but in the middle of the fire, I’m surprisingly systematic and logical.
I’m not entirely sure where I get that, but I definitely think my cool, calm and collected dad’s genes and optimism have played a large part.
And then there’s all those country-wide emergency scenario drills we ran with first responders while I was the communications/PR person for Olivet. Tornados, active shooters, pandemics (we prepared for the possibility of this years before COVID!). We roleplayed them all, and those days were exhilarating! Weird and morbid, I know.
But here’s what I’ve also learned about myself over the past few years...
No one can sustain that “just get it done” mode indefinitely.
Trauma is real, chronic busyness is unhealthy and chaos will take its toll, even if you don’t feel it in the moment. Compartmentalization and distractions will only take you so far before you WILL have to slow down, deal with the consequences and ask for help.
“No one can sustain that “just get it done” mode indefinitely. ”
That’s why I mistook panic for a heart attack. And that’s why I talk to a therapist. That’s why I’m currently taking anxiety meds. That’s why my diet went completely off the rails this year because of “high-functioning coping.” (my therapist’s words, not mine)
Not too long ago, I had someone say to me “How do you do all that you do? You must be Super Woman!”
In that moment, I wasn’t proud; I was embarrassed – and apologetic.
I’m sorry for ever letting anyone think it’s normal, healthy or sustainable to not take care of yourself.
I’m sorry for ever influencing anyone to speed through life at a breakneck pace.
I’m sorry for allowing anyone to think I could “do it all” and not ask for help.
That’s not a message I want to send to other women, and that’s certainly not an existence I want to model to my daughter.
I’m no Super Woman, which is super okay, because that’s not at all who I was created to be.
I’m just a super tired woman who is doing her best to pump the breaks. I’m recalibrating what’s normal and surrendering power back into the hands of the only One who can carry it all.
““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.””