44 is the new 24. Just because I’ve used a rotary phone, inserted a floppy disk into my IBM, and I once placed a two-for-one order for the soundtracks to Pretty Woman and Romeo and Juliet (Leo!!!) from Colombia House means absolutely nothing.

She was the epitome of a “plain Jane.” Faithful and unassuming, Jane attended weekly church services with her family, and she gave regularly to those in need. Her dad was a pastor, and two of her brothers followed in his footsteps. Jane, meanwhile, was more likely to put her thoughts on paper than to preach.

I picked up my phone and texted the group, starting the confession with a gif of a woman covering her head in a box of shame. It’s me. I did it. I’m the problem. Crawling into a hole now.

Not too long ago, I had someone say to me “How do you do all that you do? You must be Super Woman!” 

In that moment, I wasn’t proud; I was embarrassed – and apologetic. 

Glamping in a 20-foot trailer has accentuated what I’d already discovered during 3 months of quarantine in our two story house:

Family is really hard, because love is really hard.

When I said I wouldn’t ride Goliath, I meant it with every ounce of my being. But there I was, standing with my two kids, a close friend, and her two children in line for the coaster that holds THREE Guinness World records for speed, length and steepness of drop.

Your Goliath may be a situation or failure that appears to be bigger than life. It’s a fear, a sense of inadequacy, a frustration, a broken relationship. It might be failing health, your struggling kids, a difficult job or any number of circumstances that seems to be spiraling out of control. Day after day, our Goliaths rear their ugly heads, daring us to take them on.

The day my position was eliminated, I lost so much more than an employer. I lost my confidence. My clarity. My way forward.

There I stood in a hotel room, somehow – uncharacteristically—surrounded by high school girls much older and cooler than me. Awed to be in their presence, I cowardly stood by as they picked apart her every flaw.